Confession of a control freak

Last night at 1137 pm , it dawn on me that my life is “different" now. While some of my friends are still out there counting down, I was already in my PJ on a new year's eve. Confession: I felt miserable. But after about an hour, it finally struck on me that I'm a mom! I felt peaceful...

Although it's been more than 3 weeks since the arrival of Sophie and 10 months since I prepared myself for “motherhood”, I realised that a big part of me may still be unprepared, especially emotionally. My emotions have been on a roller-coaster ride. I am still attributing it to hormones! Sometimes I seem to have a lot in my mind, other times, I caught myself zoning out and staring in the air, empty headed. Happiness and sadness come and go like the wind.

Despite all the reading, nesting, antenatal classes, self-talk, tips from others, I supposed one can never be “fully”prepared for motherhood. . Being a control freak, I like “certainty” and things to be “in order”. I even prepared an Excel schedule for feeding during my 30+week of pregnancy, mentally ready for taxing 2-hourly feeding (obviously the worksheet is no where to be found now!)

Needless to say, daddy M has been on the ride with me, walking on shells, being the best supporter he can be! I am thankful. I really am.

I am learning, day by day, bit by bit, to accept what is “out of control”and things not done “my” way. I'm accepting that a smallie is depending on me and will dominate a big part of my life and I should enjoy every single bit of it.

Friends ask me what's my wish and resolution, well I think it will be – take things easy, let go and let God.

Future Reminiscence

Nice shots that we'll look back with warmth and perhaps tears of joy one day...

Birdies

Every afternoon, we leave Sophie on the day bed in the living room to do some kicking and stretching. At the same time, she is accompanied by 2 flash cards with either 2 birdies or 2 apples, in the colours that she can identify. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not flashing the cards and teaching her how to read yet – she's only 21 days old!

I just thought maybe it's nice to let her see some things... and the 2 little birds are like her friends. Anyway, her attention span is only 3 minutes max, before she starts to look for her pacifier!

Post-natal pampering

I like my masseur's job. Everyday, with her Hello Kitty van, she goes into homes of new mothers who welcome her with joy. She brightens their days. She takes their minds off crying babies, breast feeding, diaper change and the battle of handling a new born. Just like what she does to me. I look forward to her arrival everyday. For that 1 hour and 15 min, I pamper myself by forgetting everything and imagining having a massage by the sea in Phuket. The massage comes with post-natal wrap but for what it's worth, the relaxation is sufficient for me! Inch loss is secondary (for now).

You would imagine post-natal masseurs are usually aunties in their 40s + but Sharon is different, as you can tell from her funky van. She's  a bubbly girl in her 30s yet with very firm and strong strokes. I seriously think all new moms should indulge in post-natal massage to maintain sanity! We deserve it :)

Thanks Pa!

3 days ago I received a nice pot of lilies. First thing that Daddy M said: "It's not from me". It was more than 1 week since Sophie's arrival, so all the hampers/ gifts would have already been delivered! Who could it be? Secret admirer at this stage/age? Tough luck!

The recipient was not named. But the message gave it away.

I knew instantly, it's from my dad! This word of wisdom is from him before I popped. He told me that in order to have a speedy recovery during confinement, I have to tell myself that "there is nothing in this world / anyone who can make me angry, not my mom, not the baby, not my husband, nothing at all." I heeded his advice, for at least 1 week.

Day and night, I chanted this. But I guess, there is just so much that I could take. First week home was hell (pardon the language). Coping with pain (wound and hemorrhoid) , inexperienced confinement lady (CL) who was lost whenever bb cried and always needing guidance (from me?!!!) and my mom's constant complain of the CL, I blew my top and broke down a few times. Tears seemed to come easily especially at night. I was like a werewolf/vampire that only came alive at night! No one was spared!

Apparently, dad (in Penang) heard it from mom about my state and decided to send me a pot of flowers to cheer me up!

How sweet is that?! First time in my life – flowers from my dad.

Somehow, since the delivery of the flowers, I seemed to be more calm and collected, consumed with a sense of peace. The dust seemed to have settled over the past few days. It also made easier that I was finally mobile. The wild hormones have disappeared...BUT CL is still lost at times. Positive side of it – when she leaves, I will not be too lost given that I've been "instructing" her on what to do while she's here :)

Oscar award for daddy-hood

The Director of Nursing in hospital called me the Big one, Sophie the Small one and Daddy M the Great one. I totally agree to that!

Sophie and I have been super  blessed by the ever-supportive Daddy M. He is definitely in the running for nominations for :-

Best support a new mother can have

Best lactation consultant – correct latch? duration?

Best masseur

Best photographer

Best burper

Best baby carrier

Expert of electrical appliance (steamer, warmer, pump etc)

And the list goes on… Now Daddy M is down with slight flu from all the late nights and round-the-clock service.  Poor thing… We pray the blood of Jesus over him and be healed in His name. He will recover quickly and gets to play with Sophie again!

Answered prayer

As I was saying in my previous post , was hoping to go to Taka after Jones the Grocer but instead we went to Orchard Ion instead! Prada, Louis Vuitton, Hour Glass...
1pm: made it back to hospital
2pm: dilation 3cm , not bad - so checked into delivery ward
5pm : 4cm dilated. Gynae was jealous that I was still not in grimace so put me on drip to hasten the process
515pm: started to have more severe contraction but still not painful to curl up
6ish: ok started to have grimace in 2min apart. But it was bearable, but to be safe we called upon the happy-dural
630pm - 7pm: the longest half an hour in my life waiting for anesthesiologist who was in a traffic jam !
730-10pm: numb, zzz , read , prayed
10pm: Fully dilated!
10:20pm: midwife started me on a dry run to push. "Chin down, pull your thigh, Poosh!" . Tried for a few times but no sign of bb. My mind was blank, occasionally I saw the Louis Vuitton bag that I wanted and I pushed harder. At times I saw Jesus carrying my bb nearer and nearer. Baby's heart beat went lower so I was given an O2 mask.
11pm; Gynae arrived. Helped by 2 midwives who were very encouraging - "it's coming , poooosh poooooosh..."
Daddy M helped to support my head and I think he was poooshing too:)
1125pm: Gynae took out a gigantic pair of forceps and gave me some help
1130pm: with the last pooosh, our friend arrived in style ! Bb Sophie Dorett!

As usual I was hoping to get emotional but no tears came out... Haha

Thank you Jesus for a painless and supernatural delivery! Our prayers answered !!!

This is the day that the Lord has made

So today is THE day.
840am: I was induced with a tablet
930am: I was out of hospital
950am: I am having a cuppa and muffin at Jones the grocers, Dempsey.
This place surely doesn't feel like Singapore with all the Ang mohs ,
mummies with kids, having their breaky...
I am scheduled to go back to hospital at 1pm ... Hmmm maybe taka is
the next stop after this :)
*more updates to follow...*

Presents

Trying to get M his birthday present this year was tough. Can't think of anything that he wants/needs. His life is so contented as I've got him all that he wanted over the years haha.

So I've resorted to presenting to him mojo as his birthday gift this year...that is if mojo has strong telepathy with me and gets the signal to come on time-6th Dec!

Meanwhile, my back up present #1: A coffee table photo book that showcases some of M's nice shots.  

 

So proud of his work! I was beaming proudly when I collected the book from the photo shop,“Ahem, it's my husband's photographs..”

So near yet so far

Everyday, I receive loads of sms/calls from Singapore and overseas asking if mojo has arrived.

Friend A: Any action yet?

Friend B: Have you popped?

Friend C: Still home?

Friend D: Any signs?

Friend E (who's having holiday in India): Update please?

Sis in law: How?

Brother in Penang: When are you popping?

Friend F: Hey, why didn't you answer my calls? I thought you're in labour!

Friend G: I'm keeping my phone close to me, incase I miss any of your sms/calls

Mojo, mojo, see how everyone is anticipating you?

This really reminds me of our wedding day where I was late for 1 hour and 15 minutes for our church ceremony.

Well, good things come to those who wait :)