Last night at 1137 pm , it dawn on me that my life is “different" now. While some of my friends are still out there counting down, I was already in my PJ on a new year's eve. Confession: I felt miserable. But after about an hour, it finally struck on me that I'm a mom! I felt peaceful...
Although it's been more than 3 weeks since the arrival of Sophie and 10 months since I prepared myself for “motherhood”, I realised that a big part of me may still be unprepared, especially emotionally. My emotions have been on a roller-coaster ride. I am still attributing it to hormones! Sometimes I seem to have a lot in my mind, other times, I caught myself zoning out and staring in the air, empty headed. Happiness and sadness come and go like the wind.
Despite all the reading, nesting, antenatal classes, self-talk, tips from others, I supposed one can never be “fully”prepared for motherhood. . Being a control freak, I like “certainty” and things to be “in order”. I even prepared an Excel schedule for feeding during my 30+week of pregnancy, mentally ready for taxing 2-hourly feeding (obviously the worksheet is no where to be found now!)
Needless to say, daddy M has been on the ride with me, walking on shells, being the best supporter he can be! I am thankful. I really am.
I am learning, day by day, bit by bit, to accept what is “out of control”and things not done “my” way. I'm accepting that a smallie is depending on me and will dominate a big part of my life and I should enjoy every single bit of it.
Friends ask me what's my wish and resolution, well I think it will be – take things easy, let go and let God.
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