Mom

I’m not sure if hormones are still at their peak during these very last days of pregnancy but I’m feeling sentimental today.

Today is the day that I finally feel how my mom feels and finally see how she sees things- how her care towards her children, her love, her worries and protectiveness over her children are often being construed as naggy, unreasonable and incommunicable. I’m guilty as charged because I have always been closer to dad than mom mainly due to our invisible communication barrier. I often find it hard to talk to her and find her unwilling to accept my opinion or understand my views in life. I know that motherhood tends to spawn a renewed sense of appreciation in women towards their moms, but I was expecting it to happen to me much later, probably when I see mojo. I guess it came earlier than expected.

What’s the triggering point for the shift?

It all started from the confinement nanny issue. Mom found a replacement for me – her friend from Penang who is not a professional confinement nanny but has done a few jobs before. To mom, I believe she thinks this is the best choice for me– someone whom she knows, someone who probably has the same confinement practices as she does and someone who speaks her lingo. But being a control freak, I was skeptical of her friend’s experience. It’s only after I turned mom down that I started to feel bad. She probably thinks that her effort of getting me the best person in such a short notice is not appreciated.

I am imagining, 20 years down the road, I may be in her situation where I go all way out to help mojo but only to be declined by her… or when I give some advice and want the best for her but being interpreted as ‘naggy’, ‘unreasonable’ or incommunicable. Will I be hurt? How will I feel if mojo is closer to M and can only confide in him?

Thank God for openining my eyes today and see clearly. Thank God for making me realise that it's not too late to appreciate mom in a different level and see the roads she has traveled, her sacrifices and endurance in life for the benefit of her children, and hopefully make me a better daughter…