Be slow to speak

This post is a wake up call and reminder for myself. Firstly, I am sorry, daddy M and thank you for being there for me.

Recent pent-up work stress has caused a roller-coaster ride in my emotions. On several occasions, I have lost the ability to encounter conflict calmly and flew into a fit of rage over the smallest issue. It has affected my mental and physical state. It has definitely affected daddy M.

I could start a day in a joyful mood and before I knew it, things started to crash down on me like a wave and I would go under. Emotions welled up and my attitude headed south, words that came out of me cut like a knife. My tone turned from high-pitch to cruel tongue lashing, without thinking of the consequences. Even having S around could not stop me. She kept quiet as if she knew what’s happening and observed.

The aftermath: Drained. Regrets. Repented. Pretended that S had not heard and did not understand why mommy acted so strangely…Bad thoughts follow suit – “Bad wife, bad mom, bad daughter.”

You’ll probably think that I’m having a ‘rich people problem’. I’m not rich per se. But I have a husband, a daughter, a job and a God. Compared to the less fortunate or those who are striving to survive after a catastrophe, I am in a much better state. And if work is the root cause, there are always other jobs around.

I know all these. Perhaps you have been in my shoes before, perhaps not.

I sought God over and over.

Yesterday He subtly gave me an answer…

I was casually singing the “ABC” nursery rhyme to S (which she has watched a hundred times over Youtube):-

Me: A.B.C.D. E.F.__

S: G

Me:?? (maybe I heard wrongly)

Me: H.I.J.K.L.M.N.O.__

S: P

Me: !!!!

Me: Q.R.S.T.U.__

S: V

Me: (omg)

Me: W.X.Y. and__

S: Zee

Me: I did not teach her. I hardly sang the song to her. She only watched it from Youtube on weekends!

A voice within me: Be a role model. She learns from you. She sees, listens and mimics. All the hardship that you’re going through, I understand. Leave it to me. Be slow to speak and you will be slow to wrath. Enjoy your daughter. Enjoy your husband. Pick yourself up. Enjoy the journey. Be slow to speak. Be slow to speak. You’re complete in Christ.

I got it. I shall try to see and talk goodness. The Lord will fill me with whatever that I lack. As daddy M said: “Don’t count on your own effort.”

xoxo,

Ms condemnation free

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus – Romans 8:1